â€˜Hello babu, can you please come over to my place after office?â€™
16 Missed Calls.
â€˜Are you ok? What is wrong? I will reach in an hour.â€™ He slammed the phone.
Doorbell rang. I rushed. Opened the door. And I hugged him.
â€˜Is everything alright?â€™ he questioned.
I took him inside and showed the 2 pink lines on kit.
He wrapped me in his arms.
Silence was all around.
â€˜Letâ€™s get married,â€ he whispered and kissed me on my forehead..
As a writer I have lived many lives but have shown path to very few.
I always wanted to though.
Now at the age of 65, I am happily retired from all the chores of my life, just for one cause â€“ to live for others, to guide them, to empower a few more.
I visit this park every day. Guiding people around - no matter how younger or older they are, this gives me peace. At the end of the day the writer in me pats my back â€“ for living hundred more lives each day for motivating others..
A terrible week, a convicted day and here I am. A struggle of 3 years ended in disgust.
Looking back â€“ my journey is empty. What did I earn, what did I learn?
Away from lust here in a cowardly place â€“ I think for myself now.
Should I take this as a debacle or an opportunity?
I see a ray of hope. Is this sun trying to brighten my life?
Yes the path is clear is now, I never had the courage to stop chasing the limelight and open my own cafÃ©.
But now I am all set..
â€˜Lucky man but incompleteâ€™ I define myself.
I am going â€“ away.
I lost my wife years back â€“ may be it was my mistake.
I remarried in hope to end my turmoil. Soon after that I was devastated. She craved for lust and money.
Now I am left with nothing â€“ I lost my children in bargain of my second marriage.
I lost my self-respect in order to make my second wife happy.
But now itâ€™s all done.
I am leaving.
Taking a leave from this life..
I had everything a happy-lucky man would wish for.
22nd Jan 2006 â€“ the D-Day we both had been waiting for so long.
Lights ready, cameras rolling, cheer of audience was rejuvenating. She was nervous. I took her close â€œTrust me my loveâ€¦Itâ€™s gonna be miracleâ€
Show started, rhythm was in and it was out. Suddenly I lost her, lost her from my arms. She lied numb. I was shattered. That day I did not only lose her but I also lost my identity. Now here I am wandering all alone trying to deal with my solitary..
â€œGet married or get lostâ€ echoed in my ears.
â€˜Get lostâ€™ â€“ but where? I donâ€™t want to run away. Or maybe I really want to?
As a kid â€“ I always wanted to be a free bird, but in reality I was caged.
At 16, I engraved these Ava on my wrist, to elate myself from the ongoing turmoil.
It has been 7 years now, but the chaos in my heart and brain are still fresh.
Now here I am, far away trying to deal with the upheaval going around..
I still remember, it was the same Christmas evening when she had left me. A sudden call last night from her made me nostalgic. Questions started ringing in my head like cats & dogs â€“ Is she fine? Is she stuck in some issue? Is she married?
I am clueless just like that Christmas evening when she had drained away from my life.
Today after 4 years I am at the same place, itâ€™s the same evening with mixed emotions waiting for her â€“ Clueless..
â€œSchools are re-opening today! Rush fast or you will get lateâ€
â€œYes Amma, goingâ€
I was happy today as again I could sell school stationary near the school ground to feed my family.
At 3 PM I see everyone on ground playing cricket. I too wanted to be one of them. Dreams are not priority perhaps.
There came this cricket ball again for 3rd time. Something ignited me, I picked it up and ran.
Ran to fulfill my dream at least for a day..
â€œDoes God really exist?â€was my next pop up to Jay as he was super busy in Ganesh Utsav preparations. He gave me a look in vexation and asked to accompany him. I was mum and kept walking with him. We reached a huge ground where all idols of Lord Ganesha were kept for sale. I felt trapped. Closing my eyes I again thought â€œDoes HE exist?â€ and I saw her. In comatose I opened my eyes, but she was nowhere. I got my answer â€“ Yes God exists not in idols but in humans â€“ in my MOM..
Same place after 5 years, everything is still the same. This cup of tea reminds me of him even today. How I started loving tea just for the chance to spend time with him. The first encounter was during a rainy evening, cold outside and a hot cup of tea from him.
â€œToday you are alone didi?â€ tea stall bhaiyya repeated twice (oh yes he recognized me) and I was still in my thoughts of him - How this chai made my life at that time and left me with mesmerizing memories today..
Mixed feeling, mixed emotions and loads of happiness. Finally the day has arrived, which I always dreamt of. I am indeed happy. Everything around is like a fairy tale, typical shaadi music all the time, aroma of sweets and of course my Mehndi.
In spite of my every wish coming true, there is some emptiness. My every tear is turning dry, feels like no one to hear. Yes, I am missing her. The one because of whom I exists. Giving me a beautiful life where did she escape? I still feel the same pain with all the happiness.
I miss you mom..
I was 9, when introduced to this unknown yet cruel world. A world with no value, no self-esteem, no dignity and most important no Identity. In these 10 years I have been known by many names- Laila, Julie, Chameli, Rose; none of these really belong to me. Caught in this red light - â€œThe BROTHELâ€, now I want to move out, out in sunshine, a place with fresh air.
Yes now I want to fight and roar out my circumvention like a turbulent Lion for my own rights to live life.
Two nights had already passed, and still I wanted to run away. Engrossed in my despair and I heard it, yes it was the same thing which was missing- laughter, a carefree laughter, a laugh for life.I turned around to find a group of children enjoying their childhood which I never had a chance to. Seeing them bouncing made me nostalgic- yes I â€˜wasâ€™ too happy but itâ€™s all in past, itâ€™s all â€œWASâ€ now. But I wanted to capture this feeling, feeling of Content to see someone else happy, so gathered them all and had this click..
Dance was something which rejuvenated her always. And at this point of time she wanted to burst- burst in something, burst out something. She wanted to do all that could make her crazy, make her happy. She chose to compete-against her dreams, against her passion, against her ailing pain.
It was not the disease which was giving her pain, it was the thought of giving up which was more painful. So she stood and decided to fight. She danced like never before, just in hope of finding that immense peace-peace that would set her free may be forever..
Day was amidst and she was still waiting. Looking at the sky, looking at the water-how well they both complimented each other. She was mesmerized.
Engrossed in looking at the shadows in crystal clear water and she saw him. Yes it was him but just in her memories floating along the flow. With the flow of water, life was moving but she was still there in an estranged hope â€“ waiting for him.
In hope â€“ that he would return and life again would be like the rhythm between the vast sky and the lake beneath it..