She inhaled deeply. Thousands of thoughts rumbled inside her shouting "Loser! Your marriage is over, plus you got fired. Feel ashamed! No one wants you." Her mind wandered to the regrets and the wrongs. And then, she breathed out. Inner peace, she realised, is damn hard.
She inhaled again, a gush of wind filled her lungs, soothing waves tried touching her. Calmness engulfed the air as she opened her eyes. The serene beach gleamed like silver and a crow came closer. The loud voice was still strong inside, but she realised it could be tamed..
10 years of courtship and still I fail to understand you! I have been flagrantly neglected and ridiculed by your family every time and you still turn a blind eye towards it! I was too engrossed in my thoughts when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see Karan peering down on me. He just pulled me up. Amidst the unruly waves reflecting in his eyes, I saw flashes of love and adoration. As we stood staring at each other, the frothy water washed our feet clean, as if performing an act of catharsis, of purgation. .
"Who Am I"
ask me not,
for I do not know that
what is known by my soul.
I have seen
what my eyes have shown,
what my ears whispered.
And only when
I rise above my senses,
looking around, gazing inwards
silencing the mind, listening closer,
can I seek
what I've known
"Who Am I"
isn't a question to be asked,
but an answer to be sought,
these inner battles be fought,
in moments to live and die,
while passionate wars of laughter and tears
fly by the passing years.
Here as I contemplate my end, all the years passed by in front of me. All the times the man I used to call my father touched me inappropriately as my mother watched. All the times my friends made fun of my short hair and called me inappropriate names. "How is this fair?" I asked God. "How do the people who thrust such atrocities upon others manage to live their life while innocent people like me have no other way out? I bet there is something in store for me in this vast sea."
"Can you reposition one hand? It resembles a lotus. Good. We want to be seen as a nationalist, not politically inclined. The inclusion of the crow suggests lack of cleanliness. Bravo! This makes a perfect minimalistic campaign image."
Elsewhere, she could hear the mildwaves whisper to her senses, their crashing on the shore and receding, like a rhythm... *caw-caw* the sun had set and dusk made the evening look like a blooming flower... *caw-caw*
She opened her eyes and was back in the concrete jungle, amidst high rises, perched on one. "Drat! These crows!" she cursed, folding her mat..
She still remembers that night like it was yesterday. Howling wind, thunderous red sky, toxic rain all bullied her, then ordered her and finally begged her to stop. But she wasn't having any of it, not that night. That night she cried, she fought, she raged to have her way, to give birth to the tiniest single-celled organism. Some billion years worth of evolution later, she wonders sometimes, if given a choice would she undo what she'd done that night? Then two of her children come to talk to her about how their day went, pour their heart out. And she's all calm and happy again..
She sat there facing the sea. It wasn't sunrise, and it wasn't sunset. But she sat there posing for a grayscale image because she was rebellious like that.
The crow landed next to her. Took a little poop.
She wasn't bothered.
She had already taken a massive dump.
Plus, she loved nature. And was a Jain.
So that helped..
It all began early in the morning. Woke up with a heavy head. It was not alcohol but the pain of loss. Neither could chocolates console me nor could ice-cream cool me down. I went out at 4:17 in the morning, near the sea and stared into the vastness, thinking that maybe the waves could calm me down. But no! With no one to share my pain I looked unto the sky thinking that God might help. And there came an angel in the form of a bird who listened to my story, of accident, the death of my husband!.
Waking up at six in the morning, making breakfast, waking the kids up and getting them ready for school. This is the routine for almost every single mother in India. It was the same for Rumi. Rumi wished that she could go to the beach to watch the sunset. She knew that was not possible for her because of the responsibilities she had. She did not get discouraged. She found that same beauty in watching her kids fall asleep every night. To her, that was the sunset..
There are nights when I can't sleep. A tune that I'd known so well plays in my head and I just can't figure it out. I decide to step out. I hear the sea before I see it. I wander into the farthest corners of my brain, and en-route, I stumble across those dark sheets of thoughts that I'd carefully kept away inside the innermost drawers of my brain. I try to run away, but the darkness around me laughs. Guffawing, it asks, "Trying to escape your own mind, aren't you?" Now, the only way out is the sea..
Adam of Eden felt lonely and sad. The cow had the bull, king lion had his lioness and the elephant was in love with miss El. And he, with no better half or a girlfriend by his side was lost in his own world. On seeing his plight, Eve came along and together they lost the Garden of Eden. So this is how man is from the beginning of mankind. Look at me, all alone with my own thoughts, heartbroken and with a crow by my side. The sun inspires and the sea brings eternity..
The sun's going to come out soon. The worms taste exquisite in the mornings. I wonder if the human would help me find my way back. Maybe the human's lost too. I wonder if someone provides refuge for the lost ones. The human seems to be deep in thoughts, not even the courtesy to acknowledge its fellow being. It needs to do some flying. It sure seems to make the others pleasant. I wonder why no one prefers hopping like me. Oh yes, I should be finding my way back..